COMMUNICATION SKILLS HELP: CIVIL UNITY: The Radical Path to Transform Our Discourse, Our Lives, and Our World, & HOW TO LISTEN from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

HOW TO LISTEN
THICH NHAT HANH (illus. Jason DeAntonis)
Parallax Press
$6.99 Kindle edition, available now

Rating: 4.5* of five

The Publisher Says: In a time of great division and discord, our capacity to listen deeply and with compassion is paramount to solving pressing issues—across the realms of global politics, interpersonal relationships, and our own hearts and minds.

In How to Listen, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh demonstrates how deep listening is a fundamental building block of good communication. But perhaps more fundamentally, listening is central to our practice, a basic ingredient to strengthen our capacity for mindfulness, concentration, insight, and compassion. Learning how to listen with equanimity to life itself, we generate insight into the true nature of our deep connection to all things. And from this place of understanding—when we know that we aren’t separate—our capacity to listen deepens even further.

With clear and gentle guidance from Thich Nhat Hanh, we learn how truly listening—to ourselves, to each other, to Mother Earth, and to the many “bells of mindfulness” that are available to us in each moment—is the foundation of our practice, an expression of love, and a solution to our deepest and most urgent large-scale conflicts.

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My Review: "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself," said Tolstoy, and that truth has never faded or lost relevance.

When confronted by disagreement, wisdom says to listen first, then react. As a goal, that is very admirable, but largely unattainable, I hear everyone saying. I said it, too. Truth is it's hard, it's challenging, and you will fail in practicing it.

Zen practices are the butt of many jokes in the Western overculture, unsurprisingly. Google "zen koan" and imagine being presented with it sans context or preparation for the simple existence of a context where this is not intended to be humorous. Mindfulness is not natural to homo sapiens occidentalis. We're fed a constant media diet of covetousness, triumphalism, and valorized ignorance. These are the antithesis of mindfulness, its very opposite, both in worldview and in the practices promoted therein.

The author was a vocal peace and mindfulness advocate most of his near-century of life. This book, charmingly illustrated by Jason DeAntonis, offers up practical steps towards a practice of mindful listening. In reading the ideas I was forcefully struck by the way they could be read: I've been at the mindfulness game for quite a while now, and began my own journey from a more or less Buddhist perspective. (My sexual preference has always been "more," so Buddhism, with its emphasis on renunciation, and I were destined to part.) These pages are full of advice for practices that can be read and applied by the novice through to the student of Buddhism. No one is left out of the benefits because there is no presumption of an expert audience.

So I hope, like the departed author, that you'll start a journey to becoming a real listener by reading and heeding his words. From the 1975 publication of The Miracle of Mindfulness through to this posthumous publication (he died in 2022), he's been making steady inroads into US and Western culture with his interlocking message of listening as a practice, and mindful existence in the modern world, in place of mere passivity and disengagement.

There is no better way to transform one's experience of the world than to be fully present in it. Starting here is not a bad idea at all.

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CIVIL UNITY: The Radical Path to Transform Our Discourse, Our Lives, and Our World
SHOLA RICHARDS
ForbesBooks
$9.99 Kindle edition, available now

Rating: 4.5* of five

The Publisher Says: In order to transform our world, we must unite behind a new kind of civility.

In a world that is more divided than ever, it will take a radical act to transform our discourse, our lives, and our world. International civility consultant and keynote speaker Shola Richards believes that unifying our world around the power of civility is that radical act, and it’s not for the faint of heart.

Do we want a safer world to live in? Do we want less toxicity in our politics? Do we want a world free of hate and discrimination? Do we want to work in organizations that allow us to do our best work? Do we want our children to learn in schools that are kind and supportive? Do we want to live in a world that prioritizes our mental health and overall wellness? If your answers are “yes,” then we must steel ourselves for the reality that uniting around civility is the only path that will get us there.

This deeply personal—and deeply practical—book will not shy away from addressing the challenging questions, such as:

How can civil discourse be maintained during disagreements about topics that are profoundly polarizing, like abortion, gun control, or politics?

How can I be expected to be civil toward someone who has deeply wounded me—the drunk driver who killed my child, the relative who sexually assaulted me, the spouse who left me for my best friend, or the narcissistic parent who abused me?

How can I be civil when confronted with the hatefulness of intolerances such as racism, misogyny, antisemitism, homophobia, or Islamophobia?

How can I have a civil conversation with someone who isn’t tethered to reality and believes in baseless dark web conspiracy theories?

It sounds like civility means that we just need to be agreeable, not rock the boat, avoid having opinions or keeping them to ourselves, and refuse to take a firm stand against the policies and people who are trying to harm me and my loved ones. What in the world is positive about any of that foolishness?

These questions—and more—deserve to be answered. To be clear, Civil Unity is not another book about turning the other cheek when faced with harmful or hateful behavior. This book is about providing the practical tactics to disagree more effectively, bridge ideological divisions, actively prioritize our mental health, and fiercely create a more civil world that will sustain over time.

If you are ready to transform our discourse, our lives, and our world, let’s get to work.

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My Review: A book that approaches the central problem of relatively anonymous online discourse: disinhibition from conversational norms of civility, as an opportunity to offer the healing balm of being heard to self and others.

His measured storytelling tones combine with well-chosen illuminating anecdotes of succesful de-escalations. It is by this surprisingly simple shift in tone, complete with some stock phrases to use as the practice becomes habit, that Author Shola gives his evidence for both the need for and the efficacy of active application of civility in all our interactions.

The upcoming elections and the past decade of increasingly strident public, and private, disagreement, has pointed up the need for us all to take stock of our roles in perpetuating this noisy, angry buzz. An expert's view of what works is the gift this book brings. The author's Amazon bio offers a condensed version of his acquisition of expertise:

Shola Richards is an international keynote speaker, author, and suicide survivor, who has deep expertise about—and firsthand experience with—the dangers of toxic incivility.

Lovingly nicknamed, “Brother Teresa”, Shola has shared his transformative message of civility on three different continents, on major media platforms such as CBS This Morning, with top organizations (such Microsoft, Google, and WebMD), on the TEDx stage, and even on Capitol Hill where he was invited to testify in front of the House of Representatives for two hours about how to bring more civility to Congress (clearly, they need a refresher course).

Shola’s ideas are known to be extremely practical, deeply researched, highly inspirational, and readily applicable to people from all walks of life.

So in this book, like his previous book Go Together: How the Concept of Ubuntu Will Change How You Live, Work and Lead, he offers a clear vision for how the effort of communicating civilly and respectfully around our inevitable disagreements, will assist in resolving them.

As one would expect from someone whose CV includes being a suicide survivor, Author Shola does not stint on the positive reinforcement. Being that deep into the darkest places brings a need to stress the light in one's communication with great regularity.

None of this is in any way to suggest that "both sides"ism or tolerance for, even acceptance of toxic intolerant bullying is required to "keep the peace." That isn't peace, it's capitulation, and it's what fans the flames that a different and civil approach to disagreeing with those who spread the ills we're suffering under can offer. Angry confrontation changes nothing, but since when is it your job to change the way others think? Accepting that you can and should have clear boundaries that require those you disagree with to remain civil, while remaining civil yourself, changes the world too.

A very well-presented book with some useful and immediately deployable ideas. My idea of a terrific way to spend money for anyone in a situation where conflicts are, or are becoming, personally troubling. Reading and applying Author Shola's lessons bid fair to change your quotidian world.