Showing posts with label CW: anxiety attacks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CW: anxiety attacks. Show all posts

Friday, September 6, 2024

ORIGIN STORY, tough, trying reading for this maternal sex-abuse survivor


ORIGIN STORY
JENDI REITER

Saddle Road Press (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$7.99 Kindle edition, available now

Rating: 4* of five

The Publisher Says: What is the Poison Cure? For Peter Edelman, it's his alter ego in the comic book he's writing, a mysterious anti-hero who seduces and kills child abusers—a storyline that's bringing up his own long-repressed memories. For his co-author Tyler "Tai" Wick, a genderfluid teen artist in the group foster home where Peter is employed, it's the social workers who will deem him fit for adoption if he will suppress his female self, which they consider a split personality from his traumatic years working the streets. And for fashion photographer Julian Selkirk, who's trying to get Peter to say "I love you," it's the Christian faith that offers to help him break intergenerational patterns of alcoholism and violence, but at the cost of rejecting his sexuality.

Against the backdrop of late-1990s New York City sexual politics, these characters strive to redefine home and family in ways that are strong enough to contain their truths. From a Miami comic-book convention to a Christian men's retreat in Georgia, from an elite New Age wellness center to a BDSM dungeon in Manhattan, Origin Story follows their quest to determine the nature of healing and the price we pay for it.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review
: Adult men dealing with maternal sexual abuse is going to stop most of you from picking this up.

Conversion "therapy", kink shaming, and the panoply of misunderstandings and bad takes that was 1990s-era psychotherapy should finish the remainder off.

Too bad. This is a solid love story between two deeply damaged men whose lives are somehow *better* when they're together. I'm really familiar with all the huge issues dealt with in here. I know these struggles. I think they're well-represented even when they're really hard to read.

If you're up for a very high-angst, dark and tough issue read, with a believable (though unsatisfying to me) HFN ending, this will apparate like it's dusted in Floo Powder into your cart. I myownself will never read it again. And I wish the comics stuff (which bored me) had been cut.

I'm really glad I'm seeing my therapist soon.

Monday, January 8, 2024

NORTHWOODS, deeper than I expected by the end of the read



NORTHWOODS
AMY PEASE

Atria/Emily Bestler Books
$27.00 hardcover, available now

Rating: 4* of five

The Publisher Says: The dark underbelly of an idyllic Midwestern resort town is revealed in the aftermath of a murder with ties to America’s opioid epidemic in this unputdownable and thrilling debut that is perfect for fans of James Lee Burke, William Kent Krueger, and Mindy Mejia.

Eli North is not okay.

His drinking is getting worse by the day, his emotional wounds after a deployment to Afghanistan are as raw as ever, his marriage and career are over, and the only job he can hold down is with the local sheriff’s department. And that’s only because the sheriff is his mother—and she’s overwhelmed with small town Shaky Lake’s dwindling budget and the fallout from the opioid epidemic. The Northwoods of Wisconsin may be a vacationer’s paradise, but amidst the fishing trips and campfires and Paul Bunyan festivals, something sinister is taking shape.

When the body of a teenage boy is found in the lake, it sets in motion an investigation that leads Eli to a wealthy enclave with a violent past, a pharmaceutical salesman, and a missing teenage girl. Soon, Eli and his mother, along with a young FBI agent, are on the hunt for more than just a killer.

If Eli solves the case, could he finally get the shot at redemption he so desperately needs? Or will answers to this dark case elude him and continue to bring destruction to the Northwoods?

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review
: The steady erosion of the workforce in rural areas is pushing a major crisis in substance abuse to epidemic proportions. This is what underpins the story that debut mystery writer Amy Pease chooses to tell us.

Eli, our main character, is self-medicating with alcohol (the legal drug) his PTSD, his marriage ending, and the loss of his career in the US Fish and Wildlife job he's done since leaving Afghanistan. His mother Marge does what any good parent would do, scrapes him up and gives him a purpose: As sheriff in a drastically underfunded department, she hires him to be a deputy. No one can say it's only nepotism, since he was a soldier, then a game warden, and so what if he's her son? Should she overlook his attendance problems and his increasingly frequent panic attacks from his entirely self-"managed" PTSD? In reality, no. In the book, she does, and it goes pretty much unexamined. As does a lot of the painfully obvious skulduggery rampant in the town...in the name of "going along to get along."

No good deed goes unpunished.

Eli comes across a murder that will make the entire town take stock of what they all know but won't discuss. In this way it resembles "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" in its exposé of complicity by silence. The silences run deep. The town's got many dirty little secrets, and Eli has the end of the thread that unravels the curtain hiding them in the murder of a teenaged boy. That it involves a local drug rehab center...for rich people...is the meat of the sandwich. There is a LOT of drug use in Shaky Lake, Wisconsin, and no one from the town gets help at that rehab...nicely done, Author Pease. There's a lot to unpick in the way this story attacks many facets of the status quo. This is, in fact, the reason I gave it four stars. If I was going solely on its literary merits, maybe three would be more like it. The pacing is slow, the way the author uses descriptions is odd...though it was the way I stumbled upon my fourth star...and the completely unprofessional behavior of Sheriff Marge towards her deputy Eli wouldn't pass the most casual law-enforcement scrutiny.

The action in the book, as in direct conflict, takes place in the last quarter or so; until then, one's got to be kept reading by the investment made in the characters. The frequency of Eli's panic attacks as he responds to the initial call for a disturbance of peace and thus discovers the dead boy became a cause of problems for me. I got jittery every time I was forewarned of another social situation that would trigger Eli. It's a state of negative arousal, so I wasn't at all sure I wanted to keep reading. His lack of proper help, at apparently any turn in his post-service life, turned out to be my dark little clue of what the author was doing. The lights came on for me when I realized the only places she was using descriptive words that were more than merely functional was when Eli was in the woods, or among the wealthy people in his resort-ridden town. The safest and most unsafe places in Eli's world were heightened, thus counterpointed.

Clever. Subtle. Make the contrast unmissable, once you've seen it. The plot's main driver becomes less the murder of that poor kid, and more the hideous disfiguring sense of entitlement that Eli smacks into as he shakily grasps the threads of motive behind the murder. After the dead kid's girlfriend disappears and the FBI gets involved...why that would occur remains hazy in my mind...even then, Eli and Marge are just kept in their place. That the resolution of the case comes at the cost of Eli's illusions about his world, and his mother, is down to the outsiders. Yet nothing is going to change, it feels like to me; the perpetrators are not let off scot-free but there's no sign of some wider awakening....

Honestly, I was in two minds about how to rate and focus on the review until I thought back on the larger exposé aspects of the story as told. Eli is a suffering everyman, a person used and discarded by the very world he's served and is still serving as being broken therefore useless. What I felt the author was doing in making Eli's panic attacks so frequent yet so pointedly timed, was a kind of human kintsugi. Much like the narrative device in A Man and a Woman, it's something that must be allowed to pervade one's sense of the story. To bring it into sharp relief would've made the author's deeper purpose, the one I perceived anyway, too on-the-nose. No exaggeration intended, it truly changed my perfectly okay read of a first mystery, possibly a series-starter, into a very pleasant read of a solidly crafted, well-aimed novel.

Good one, Author Pease.

Saturday, March 26, 2022

THE CHARM OFFENSIVE, keeping struggles real...in a fairy-tale world? Go on!


THE CHARM OFFENSIVE
ALISON COCHRUN

Atria Books
$11.99 ebook editions, available now

Rating: 4.5* of five

The Publisher Says: Dev Deshpande has always believed in fairy tales. So it’s no wonder then that he’s spent his career crafting them on the long-running reality dating show Ever After. As the most successful producer in the franchise’s history, Dev always scripts the perfect love story for his contestants, even as his own love life crashes and burns. But then the show casts disgraced tech wunderkind Charlie Winshaw as its star.

Charlie is far from the romantic Prince Charming Ever After expects. He doesn’t believe in true love, and only agreed to the show as a last-ditch effort to rehabilitate his image. In front of the cameras, he’s a stiff, anxious mess with no idea how to date twenty women on national television. Behind the scenes, he’s cold, awkward, and emotionally closed-off.

As Dev fights to get Charlie to open up to the contestants on a whirlwind, worldwide tour, they begin to open up to each other, and Charlie realizes he has better chemistry with Dev than with any of his female co-stars. But even reality TV has a script, and in order to find to happily ever after, they’ll have to reconsider whose love story gets told.

I CHECKED THIS BOOK OUT OF MY LIBRARY. THANK GOODNESS FOR LIBRARIES...USE YOURS SOON!

My Review
: Reality TV isn't. I realize that's just the most startling thing you've ever read, but it is true. What it is, though, is made by real people and it features real people, with real emotions and feelings; they aren't dolls or puppets or robots. And while that's not something I expect most adults really need telling, intellectually, it's not...um...real. Somehow. (There will be, one day, a better vocabulary for these feelings-at-a-remove. I live for that day.)

But the thing that Author Cochrun did, in creating gorgeous OCD-having anxiety-experiencing Charlie, is something I think the world of reality TV, Romancelandia, and the entire entertainment world could do with a lot more of: She humanized the beautiful façades in a kind, supportive, and genuinely entertaining way. Her decision to make gawky, geeky Dev into a multifaceted man, her decision to have these two men, fractured and frantically trying to keep their heads above the dark, cold waters of mental illness's difficult times, find and learn about and accept each other is something still too rare. It is laudable, and the way she made it believable earns my admiration.

I can see a lot of eyes rolling at the idea of a gorgeously chiseled six-pack-sportin' tech millionaire having anxiety and OCD problems. Truth is many beautiful-looking people are beset by issues that onlookers don't think to wonder if they experience. The very idea is foreign..."if I only had money and/or looked like X I'd be happy all the time!"...but it honestly should shame us how much stock we put in that nonsense. People have problems. And when they're rich or beautiful or famous, they shouldn't. So when they do....

Brava, Author Cochrun, for slapping an ace on top of that tired old trick.

Then there's the Fun-Guy trope! Life of the party, always a laugh...he couldn't be depressed, he's got this great job and look at how many people he laughs his nights away with!...but the same logic applies. It's another good deed done to remind us that there's no one immune from the hurts of being alive. Putting the two of them together in this highly artificial, addicted-to-surfaces world was a great idea, and one that Author Cochrun pulled off with admirable aplomb.

What works well, works well. There's a minor plot-point left dangling, and there were two (2) foul, heinous, scum-dripping w-bombs. So there went that half-star. But there's no reason to go full-tilt ramming-speed mental when a medium-steam rom-com featuring two genuinely love-worthy, genuinely love-giving, thoroughly sweet men gets told in sentences like this:
Charlie hasn’t met many people like this—people who don’t make assumptions about you when they discover your brain doesn’t work like theirs; people who don’t judge you; people who simply stay with you and ask what they can do to help. People who trustingly hand you all of themselves in PDF form.
–and–
{He} curls into the fetal position inside the shower. This is what regret tastes like: regurgitated tequila and dirty cotton balls.
–and–
“It doesn’t have to be,” she says, “and you’re not obligated to figure it out, or come out, or explain yourself to anyone, ever. But also”—she drops her hands from their spectrum and tucks an arm around his shoulder—“labels can be nice sometimes. They can give us a language to understand ourselves and our hearts better. And they can help us find a community and develop a sense of belonging. I mean, if you didn’t have the correct label for your OCD, you wouldn’t be able to get the treatment you need, right?” {hear the Gospel of Saint Parisa, everybody!}
–and–
He pauses, and {his lover} explodes. “That’s such bullshit! There are so many people who have done actual terrible things who are actively working in tech! Mark Zuckerberg exists! And firing someone for having OCD—that’s got to be illegal."
–and–
"I don’t think happily ever after is something that happens to you...I think it’s something you choose to do for yourself.”

There's just no reason not to get this book, sink into it, and let the beauty of its fantasy world soothe crappy, warlike reality's wrinkles and creases right out of your face to be replaced by smiles.