DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure

DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure
J.R. YUSSUF
North Atlantic Books (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$11.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 5* of five

The Publisher Says: An unapologetic guide for readers who are Black, masc, and bi—unlearning biphobia, coming out, combatting erasure, and embodying your whole self

Through cutting social analysis, personal stories, and need-to-know advice, Dear Bi Men reclaims bi+ visibility in a culture of erasure—and unapologetically centers Blackness in a practical and deeply researched guide to navigating life, work, and relationships as a Black bi+ man.

Popular representation of bi and pansexual men is growing, but we’re not there It’s mostly white. It collapses bisexual identity into tired, hypersexualized tropes. And it fails to interrogate the deeply entrenched stereotypes that You’re confused. You just don’t know you’re gay. You’re greedy. You must be great in bed.

Author, peer counselor, and creator of #bisexualmenspeak J.R. Yussuf pushes back against these stigmas and misconceptions, exploring how white supremacy reinforces biphobia and dictates what society thinks it means to “be a man.” He contextualizes discourse around queerness and bisexuality within a larger framework that honors readers’ intersecting identities. And he offers deeply practical advice, sharing how to:

Unlearn internalized biphobia and homophobia

Navigate an increasingly hostile digital landscape

Think about coming out: who to tell, why to tell them, and how to do it

Fight back against erasure and stigma

Navigate sex, dating, partnerships, marriage, friendship, and work

Understand your bi+ sexuality through a political lens

Process Black bi+ representation

Rich with personal narratives, insightful analysis, and practical advice, this book is a powerful resource for Black bi+ men to reclaim their identity, counter biphobia, and get empowered—and an offering to all readers looking to fight back against the erasure and dehumanization wrought by patriarchy.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: Remember the giant internet kerfuffle that ended up in Kit Connor, of Heartstopper fame, being forced to come out as bi, or be outed? He was really young at the time, but he also stood on a giant mountain of white privilege.

Now imagine all that intrusive noisy chatter, all that nasty probing questioning of your sincerity, your motives, your sense of yourself suddenly, unpleasantly open for free debate...while in the hole that anti-Black racism carries in its shot pouch. Add in a hefty amount of religious, cultural, gendered homophobia.

Man needs help. Here it is.

A lot of what Author Yussuf says is applicable to other bi men in the process of figuring out what to say, to do, to present to the world; but the added levels of Black support, uniquely insightful areas of discourse tied in with the author's long experience among Black bisexual men from an insider's PoV, and this resource is definitely uniquely valuable to those men. It does not, as a result, exclude other men.

There is no room for any of the -phobias in Author Yussuf's book. A thing I see A LOT in queer spaces is more, or less, polite transphobia directed at transmasc men. It gets the same treatment in here as other Othered identities: "you're good, come in and let's talk, what's eatin' away at you?" Author Yussuf genuinely presents all maleness with guidance on inner and outer self-presentation. Because in the end that's also self-preservation. A strong core belief in one's worth and identity as good and capable of offering and receiving good, healthy interactions predicts success in life lived inside heteronormative society.

It's hard for me not to say this is a great gift for every male, regardless of sexual identity. I can't tell you what to do about your giftees, but for any but the most removed from self-reflective spheres of influence, this is no bad idea for Yule.