SELF-HELP FROM THE MIDDLE AGES: What the Seven Deadly Sins Can Teach Us About Living, never forget people are ALWAYS people not labels

SELF-HELP FROM THE MIDDLE AGES: What the Seven Deadly Sins Can Teach Us About Living
PETER JONES
Doubleday (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$14.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 4* of five

The Publisher Says: From medieval historian Peter Jones comes a groundbreaking guide to navigating contemporary life through the wisdom of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Peter Jones was teaching medieval history at a university in Siberia when his third icy winter there plunged him into a dark place. Luckily, he knew something few of us know—that for all its reputation for darkness and superstition, the Middle Ages were the golden age of self-help. So he set out on a journey to explore the wisdom of medieval scholars, saints, and mystics, looking for an alternative path through the challenges of modern life.

Never in history, Jones marvels in Self-Help from the Middle Ages, has so much energy and talent gone into studying how the mind works as in the medieval centuries. Although today we think of the Seven Deadly Sins as a catalog of forbidden behavior, in the Middle Ages, at the height of their currency, they were a path to self-knowledge and self-forgiveness. Together, pride, envy, anger, sloth, greed, gluttony and lust were a psychological map that laid out seven basic patterns of thought, showing how our thinking can go astray and how we can find our way home.

In Self-Help from the Middle Ages, Jones explores each sin, searching the hellscapes of Hieronymous Bosch and Giotto, the intimate confessions of Dante and Margery Kempe, and the personal struggles of Francis of Assisi and Catherine of Siena. Along the way he discovers a treasure trove of lost truths about temptation, frustration, addiction, compulsion, burnout, rage, fear, anxiety, and grief that still pulse with life. With beautiful illustrations drawn from medieval art and literature, his book is a gift to all who love history and anyone who has ever sought wisdom from the past.

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My Review: What happens when a scholarly British man with an advanced medieval-history degree from an American school gets a seriously good job in Russophone academia? He moves to Siberia! (Before the Ukraine war begins. He lives in Madrid now.)

Siberia. The place Russia sends people to die in misery. A byword, in US English anyway, for grim, awful exile, for the place you're sent to pay for your sins. I'm afraid this is where I start revealing my prejudices: I envied this polyglot scholar for his seriously good luck. I envied him for living a life I'm still feeling angry at being denied a chance to pursue (though Siberia was never in my mind as an option). So already two of the deadly sins ticked off—again—my life's list of the damned things committed. Oh okay, I'm getting the point now, thought I.

Siberia, the severeness of it, wore on the spirit of Author Jones. He experienced the dark night of the soul, the terrible trackless waste of depression. Being a scholar by nature the solution was obvious: you are not the first person to have this problem. How did those others handle it? The seven deadly sins offer up a schema for understanding the workings of the human mind as well as a perspective check on what your emotional weather really means.

These "sins" are, of course, deeply enmeshed with christian concepts of a religiously ordered universe. Sin more broadly is a religious concept of transgressing a divinely ordained code and appears in multiple religious traditions. It's only natural that a medievalist from England would gravitate towards concepts familiar from his scholarly activities.

In the memoir portions of this narrative, the author evokes very movingly the experience of researching, identifying, and handling medieval manuscripts that contain the seven deadly sins and their explications of how these can be used to improve one's soul. The goal in these readings iss to give the reader a map towards salvation, union with the god of the christians; but as Author Jones elucidates, how different is that goal from modern self-help books' stated goal of helping one become better, happier, more adept at navigating your life. People have sought ways to understand their inner workings, how to cultivate their minds/souls into "better" or "happier" behaviors since the oracle at Delphi...much earlier than that, I am certain, because a pithy aperçu like "know thyself" isn't a first draft, and it is carved in literal stone so it's been workshopped to a fare-thee-well, though it wasn't done in writing so the records are implicit only.

We're highly intelligent, us humans, curious about ourselves because we're so different from other creatures. We have access to the thoughts and the musings and the conclusions of millennia of our forebears. A scholar would know where and how to look for insight into issues common to us all. Descriptions of depression, of psychological maladjustments, maladaptive behaviors, and solutions to the problems arising therefrom, might vary but the impetus to look for ways to be, feel, act "better" is constant. Author Jones seeks the commonality between the seven deadly sins and modern self-help schemata because he needs help, knows our ancestors...sons, daughters, lovers, spouses just like us...needed help figuring out the best ways to be fulfilled. He accomplishes this in the way that best uses his personal strengths. He tells us about his quest in plainly personal terms, clearly stating his stakes in starting the quest. (I frame it as a quest because he's a medievalist and "happiness" is a grail quest.) It is more this strand of his narrative that I found involving, engaging. I was less invested in the rubber-meets-the-road formulations of how the personally offensive to me religious concept of the sins themselves represent paths to self-knowledge. This is a very useful and, to me, persuasive argument. It's offensive to me because the religion it's embedded within is evil and vile, used to create division and enact horrors of cruelty; if there is a "God" as they name her, and she tolerates these terrible acts committed in her nsme, she is not the kind of god who deserves worship.

None of that is addressed in this book; I can't offer an otherwise fully merited fifth star because to do so is to accept a fundamental agreement with an argument for "God" and her christian system's validity.

This is purely a personal inability to tolerate any support of the christian worldview,however tacit it may be, as in any way moral or positively constructive.

SMITTEN: Romantic Obsession, the Neuroscience of Limerence, and How to Make Love Last, a neuroscientist's self-help

SMITTEN: Romantic Obsession, the Neuroscience of Limerence, and How to Make Love Last
TOM BELLAMY
St. Martin's Essentials (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$15.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 3.5* of five

The Publisher Says: A groundbreaking exploration of the psychology of infatuation, how to recognize it, and how to move beyond it towards a healthier experience of love.

“Butterflies” in the stomach, intrusive thoughts, fantasies about imaginary scenarios, mood swings from euphoria to despair… aren't these all the familiar hallmarks of new love? Not quite. These are characteristics of the psychological state of “limerence,” also known as obsessive, passionate or addictive love that can become unhealthy.

Millions of people experience limerence at some point in their life. In this book, neuroscientist Tom Bellamy explores advances in neuroscience since the term was coined in the 1970s, and sheds light on this little-understood element of the human experience. Discover:

· what drives limerence
· how to recognize limerence in yourself and others
· how to manage the phases of addiction to another person
· how to move past it to sustain longer, more fulfilling relationships.

With supportive advice about next steps, this book will help readers struggling with unwanted feelings to find emotional equilibrium. Rooted in neuroscience, this book offers practical guidance for those experiencing obsessive love and seeking a path to a healthy relationship.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: Living with Limerence is the author's blog of his experience as a sufferer from this recently described sociopsychological issue. It is not a diagnosis; it is not a presently recognized area of formal study; the author does not present himself as a mental-health professional, so is not held to any of the standards of those practitioners. His bio makes all this clear in what it does and does not say:

I’m a neuroscientist, writer and academic. I graduated with a PhD in Neuroscience from University College London in 2001, then worked as a research scientist at the Medical Research Council, and the Babraham Institute, Cambridge, before moving to the University of Nottingham in 2010.

Since then, I’ve run a research group investigating the nuts-and-bolts of how the brain works, and published dozens of papers on esoteric aspects of neurophysiology.

That background gave me a unique perspective on limerence, how to make sense of what’s going on in our traitor brains, and how to reprogram ourselves into leading more purposeful lives.

He is speaking from his own experience with confronting limerence in his life, and relatedly from his academic training in the workings of the brain. He is admirably clear of expression, understands the power of humor as well as the force of public vulnerability, in the discussion of what most of us don't experience when we get a crush or develop an infatuation or fall in (unrequited) love.

It is a study area just waiting for its academics to bring rigor, develop methodologies and establish vocabularies for, and grapple with the implications of, as our world becomes more and more mediated by machines. We're losing crucial social skills to social media and "AI"-centered experiences displacing sitting down to have a conversation with a real human.

Limerence is only going to rise in its prominence because of its intersection with parasocial interactions. Author Bellamy, and his seeming role model in limerence study Dorothy Tennov, come at this ancient but only-recently described feeling from different angles: she was a psychologist attempting to get "Love Studies" on an academic footing while his more function-of-the-brain focus arises from his neurobiology training.

In writing this book and its blog predecessor, Author Bellamy does yeoman work presenting the current state of the science. He is also careful to stress, through reinforcing restatement, the liberating reality check: Limerence is not, in itself, mental illness; it can be an indicator of underlying issues such as those present in attachment theory (q.v.) but are not necessarily full-on symptoms of anything. It is a very helpful reminder not to self-diagnose. However, I'm not entirely comfortable with the self-help half of the read. The author speaks from personal experience of the issue and has conducted polls to determine certain facts from other self-described sufferers, but this is not (nor is it presented as) peer-reviewed science. Yet. I predict it will be, and relatively soon, because the incidences of limerence in my own social circle are not falling....

As with all mental-health and -adjacent issues I encourage you to read all self-help books with the intention of going on to have fuller, more wide-ranging conversations with someone trained and licensed to interact with you on a theraputic footing. It will hurt you not at all to go into those conversations with information you have acquired by reading self-help books. Be ready to discuss the reading's merits with your mental-health as openly as you can. Not every expert can be trusted to address your unique personal needs.

I think my review needs to include this clear-sighted, honest, grounded in experience statement from Author Bellamy:

Limerence fades. Regardless of how spectacular the thrills are at the beginning of a relationship, expecting that euphoric connection to last more than a few months is unrealistic. Quite apart from how exhausting it would become, it doesn't make sense from an evolutionary perspective. Limerence is the drive to form a pair bond tight enough to result in conception; it has no real role in making it last.

It's true, it's a fact known for thousands of years (in writing; millennia before that, since humans aren't so very different seen as a whole), and it always, always helps to know you are not the first, you are not the only, and you are not alone in the struggles you're having.

I can't be more generous with my stars for the trepidatious responses outlined above, but combined with appropriate professional consultation I think the information presented here in a highly...almost annoyingly...conversational style bids fair to give the reader a giant gift of feeling Seen and understood.

DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure

DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure
J.R. YUSSUF
North Atlantic Books (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$11.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 5* of five

The Publisher Says: An unapologetic guide for readers who are Black, masc, and bi—unlearning biphobia, coming out, combatting erasure, and embodying your whole self

Through cutting social analysis, personal stories, and need-to-know advice, Dear Bi Men reclaims bi+ visibility in a culture of erasure—and unapologetically centers Blackness in a practical and deeply researched guide to navigating life, work, and relationships as a Black bi+ man.

Popular representation of bi and pansexual men is growing, but we’re not there It’s mostly white. It collapses bisexual identity into tired, hypersexualized tropes. And it fails to interrogate the deeply entrenched stereotypes that You’re confused. You just don’t know you’re gay. You’re greedy. You must be great in bed.

Author, peer counselor, and creator of #bisexualmenspeak J.R. Yussuf pushes back against these stigmas and misconceptions, exploring how white supremacy reinforces biphobia and dictates what society thinks it means to “be a man.” He contextualizes discourse around queerness and bisexuality within a larger framework that honors readers’ intersecting identities. And he offers deeply practical advice, sharing how to:

Unlearn internalized biphobia and homophobia

Navigate an increasingly hostile digital landscape

Think about coming out: who to tell, why to tell them, and how to do it

Fight back against erasure and stigma

Navigate sex, dating, partnerships, marriage, friendship, and work

Understand your bi+ sexuality through a political lens

Process Black bi+ representation

Rich with personal narratives, insightful analysis, and practical advice, this book is a powerful resource for Black bi+ men to reclaim their identity, counter biphobia, and get empowered—and an offering to all readers looking to fight back against the erasure and dehumanization wrought by patriarchy.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: Remember the giant internet kerfuffle that ended up in Kit Connor, of Heartstopper fame, being forced to come out as bi, or be outed? He was really young at the time, but he also stood on a giant mountain of white privilege.

Now imagine all that intrusive noisy chatter, all that nasty probing questioning of your sincerity, your motives, your sense of yourself suddenly, unpleasantly open for free debate...while in the hole that anti-Black racism carries in its shot pouch. Add in a hefty amount of religious, cultural, gendered homophobia.

Man needs help. Here it is.

A lot of what Author Yussuf says is applicable to other bi men in the process of figuring out what to say, to do, to present to the world; but the added levels of Black support, uniquely insightful areas of discourse tied in with the author's long experience among Black bisexual men from an insider's PoV, and this resource is definitely uniquely valuable to those men. It does not, as a result, exclude other men.

There is no room for any of the -phobias in Author Yussuf's book. A thing I see A LOT in queer spaces is more, or less, polite transphobia directed at transmasc men. It gets the same treatment in here as other Othered identities: "you're good, come in and let's talk, what's eatin' away at you?" Author Yussuf genuinely presents all maleness with guidance on inner and outer self-presentation. Because in the end that's also self-preservation. A strong core belief in one's worth and identity as good and capable of offering and receiving good, healthy interactions predicts success in life lived inside heteronormative society.

It's hard for me not to say this is a great gift for every male, regardless of sexual identity. I can't tell you what to do about your giftees, but for any but the most removed from self-reflective spheres of influence, this is no bad idea for Yule.

SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS REVISED & EXPANDED EDITION The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business...comprehensive title!

SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS REVISED & EXPANDED EDITION The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business
THOMAS ERIKSON
St. Martin's Essentials (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$12.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 3.5* of five

The Publisher Says: A fully revised and expanded edition of the runaway bestseller, Surrounded by Idiots—now with Text • Charts • Examples • Snark!

Master the four basic behavior types and change the way you communicate!

Do you ever think you’re the only one making any sense? Or tried to reason with your partner with disastrous results? Do long, rambling answers drive you crazy?

You are not alone. After a disastrous meeting with a highly successful entrepreneur, who was genuinely convinced he was ‘surrounded by idiots,’ communication expert and bestselling author Thomas Erikson dedicated himself to understanding how people function and why we often struggle to connect with certain personality types.

Erikson’s simple yet ground-breaking techniques will help you understand yourself better, hone communication and social skills, handle conflict with confidence, improve dynamics with your boss and team, and get the best out of the people you deal with and manage.

At a moment in time when understanding one another is more important than ever, Thomas Erikson revisits his most popular title, offering an updated and expanded edition that will make you a master of communication.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: If anyone reading this has not yet read SURROUNDED BY NARCISSISTS: How to Effectively Recognize, Avoid, and Defend Yourself Against Toxic People (and Not Lose Your Mind) I recommend you go do that.

Back so soon? Okay, here we go.

I didn't read the original version so cannot comment on whatever might be new in the presentation of the text. I can tell you it's easy to read, easy to understand, and easy to misuse. You are not going to be a mental-health professional after reading this book. I think anyone who feels frustrated and put-upon by the goofballs and simps surrounding them should go get a therapist. To be completely honest I think that anyway...go get a therapist! It will change your life for the better.

Absent that, reading this book is best done with the realization that at least a dozen people are reading it because of you. It behooves all of us to get better at communication with people not like ourselves, but from a place of non-judgmental desire to be better about our affect in this world.

I can hear y'all snickering, it's really quite rude. I already said it's best to read this (and all other books like it) in the full realization that others are reading them to detoxify your affect on them. I really mean that. Communication problems are always mutual. When you simply dislike someone you still need to be able to communicate with them to be effective in any social situation where there are other people...in other words, all of them. Talking to MAGAts or religious nuts is hard, but we all need to do it sometimes. I myownself keep interactions with them as short as possible and avoid eye contact the way an old pal of mine does with Mondays, for the same reason.

This particular iteration of the DISC / Meyers-Briggs system, using colors in place of letters, works as well as these things ever do: Not very, but useful as a quick issue-defusing technique. It's easy to internalize, comes with built-in shorthand, and can help you walk away from difficult conversations without creating more trouble.

It's not, and does not purport or pretend to be, a substitute for the hard work of therapy. Which everyone should do. But since there's no way in hell most lazy slugs will bother, and no way most people can afford it if they were willing (which they're not), and no easy way to find or know how to judge which therapist is the right one for you, we have books like this.

Use it the way he tells you to and you will do no (further) harm.

That alone is worth more than the purchase price.

HOW TO BE ENOUGH: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists, or "explaining my entire life to me"

HOW TO BE ENOUGH: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists
ELLEN HENDRIKSEN, Ph.D.
St. Martin's Essentials (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$14.99 ebook edition, available now

Rating: 4.25* of five

The Publisher Says: Are you your own toughest critic? Learn to be good to yourself with this clear and compassionate guide.

Do you set demanding standards for yourself? If so, a lot likely goes well in your life: You might earn compliments, admiration, or accomplishments. Your high standards and hard work pay off.

But privately, you may feel like you’re falling behind, faking it, or different from everybody else. Your eagle-eyed inner quality control inspector highlights every mistake. You try hard to avoid criticism, but criticize yourself. Trying to get it right is your guiding light, but it has lit the way to a place of dissatisfaction, loneliness, or disconnection. In short, you may look like you’re hitting it out of the park, but you feel like you’re striking out.

This is perfectionism. And for everyone who struggles with it, it’s a misnomer: perfectionism isn’t about striving to be perfect. It’s about never feeling good enough.

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen—clinical psychologist, anxiety specialist, and author of How to Be Yourself—is on the same journey as you. In How to Be Enough, Hendriksen charts a flexible, forgiving, and freeing path, all without giving up the excellence your high standards and hard work have gotten you. She delivers seven shifts—including from self-criticism to kindness, control to authenticity, procrastination to productivity, comparison to contentment—to find self-acceptance, rewrite the Inner Rulebook, and most of all, cultivate the authentic human connections we’re all craving.

With compassion and humor, Hendriksen lays out a clear, effective, and empowering guide. To enjoy rather than improve, be real rather than impressive, and be good to yourself when you’re wired to be hard on yourself.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: I was the youngest child of my parents. My older siblings were more like aunts than siblings...we were two presidencies apart, almost three...and as adolescents lumbered with a toddler they didn't want in their ambit, weren't any more careful of word or deed than one would expect from members of a toxic system at a terrible passage in human life. In other words, not kind, not loving, not supportive. Add that to parents who didn't model those things and...well.

This book understood me.

So much of the world is based on conditionality: if you want this thing/state/privilege, you must give that thing/service. Conditionality and capitalism are deeply intertwined, I venture to suggest inseparably so. One's self-worth in a capitalist system becomes imbued with that transactional conditionality: I'm not working hard enough to deserve this or that bauble. Far worse is the knock-on of that, I'm too "poor" to afford this thing/service so I must be lazy/undeserving/unworthy.

It enters one's bones and imbues all one's relationships: I'm not getting this thing/behavior/feeling I need so I must not deserve it...if I work harder/behave better/give more of this or that resource I have, maybe then I will deserve or even get it.

The internalization of perfectionism is thus complete and the transactional relationship template is frozen into immobility. As are many of us who got this message. We're frozen into immobility because then the desired whatevers *not* being ours makes sense. We don't deserve whatever. Therefore the world makes sense because we don't have it.

A book like this one that makes the pathology plain does a huge service to the sufferer from the condition. It's wonderful to be told plainly and baldly that: "Pretty much every high achieving person experiences a gravitational pull to feel left out. Meaning we reflexively look for signs and signals that tell you you’re being excluded or not wanted." It's a balm to know the roots of this awful paralysis are there in multitudes of us, then be told how that: "What perfectionism neglects to tell us is that getting it right doesn’t make us part of a community." Ultimately, we've bought the bullshit and not the bull himself; we paid for the bull, and now here's a way to get him.

The author is, I suspect, an excellent therapist in practice. In writing she is clear, concise, and manages to be evocative in her phrasemaking. No small feat! I don't tthink this book is for those who struggle to see their own pathologies, there are more effective tools to break walls of denial. I think most readers are some way into the process of denial-busting, but again the best audience for the read are those who already see their perfectionism, have an idea it's a problem, and would like some help building coping strategies for its dismantling.

This book is a wonderfully useful tool for that purpose. I can't offer a full fifth star because there is just that soupçla;on too little interlinking of strategic implementation: How, after this insight hits home, the reader should look for that and the other one to arise.

As cavils go, it's really pretty minor. As self-help books go, this one belongs on far more bookshelves/Kindles than it doesn't.

IRON HOPE: Lessons Learned from Conquering the Impossible, focus on the lessons not the why of them and it's inspiring

IRON HOPE: Lessons Learned from Conquering the Impossible
JAMES LAWRENCE
St. Martin's Press (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$15.99 ebook editions, available now

Rating: 3.75* of five

The Publisher Says: The ultimate guide to mental toughness by James 'Iron Cowboy' Lawrence – the greatest endurance athlete in human history.

Lawrence’s accomplishments are nearly impossible to comprehend. In 2015, he set a Guinness World Record record by completing 50 full-distance triathlons in 50 states in 50 consecutive days. Yes, THE Ironman, 'the single most difficult day in sports'—a 2.4-mile swim, 112 miles on a bike, then a 26.2-mile run, all completed in under 17 hours. It is a race so intense that less than .01% of the population have completed one.

Afterwards, Lawrence subjected his body to exhaustive physical testing, to every genetic test known to science. The stunning discovery is that physically, James Lawrence is unspecial in every way. The secret to his bulletproof body is his bulletproof mentality.

How does a person develop the mental fortitude necessary to overcome incredible exhaustion, immeasurable suffering, and unfathomable pain in order to achieve impossible goals? With Iron Hope, that’s exactly what James 'Iron Cowboy' Lawrence shows readers how to do. Lawrence explains how readers can forge an iron will by making and keeping small promises to themselves again and again, amassing experience and building momentum until giving up becomes impossible. Combine a big dream with small improvements repeated with great consistency and make your goals and dreams a reality.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: I read this because I am unable to fathom WHY anyone would do this insane thing to their body.

I still don't know.

What I *do* know is that doing this insane thing to his body afforded Author Lawrence great clarity about how he accomplished this absurd, OTT feat of effortful activity. He reports to readers the means by which he accomplished a feat of endurance and self-discipline that a vanishingly small number of us fellow humans ever even attempt, let alone accomplish.

There is huge value in absorbing this attitude: "do it to prove you can." Do hard things because they are hard, and along the way build the habits of mind that will make you unstoppable in areas that actually matter.

*oops* I didn't mean to type that out loud.

There it is, though. What earthly use is doing this to one's body? This smacks of the religious ascetics who do appalling things to themselves because god. In what way is this necessary, or beneficial to the world? As an example to emulate? I'd drag anyone I know to the shrink if they announced they'd got this idea for abusing their body in this way.

However much I decry the wasteful, expensive thing this lunacy promotes...that training costs, the supplements and dietary demands cost like crazy, donate the time and money to bettering the world you selfish thing!...I acknowledge the author's using the platform it gives him to have accomplished this as a means to offer practical, actionable advice on how to acquire the *habits* that got him there. He's offering good information, clearly and understandably formatted, explaining how and why this or that effort pays off in self-discipline; this is the thing I focused on, not the reason *he* was doing it but rather *how* he did what he did.

I devoutly hope the readers the book will get because the author did what he did will put his path to attaining an enviable strength of mind to more useful ends. It's the egotism, the selfish "MY victory" straight-male vanity of the exercise (!) that won't let me get to a full four stars despite the more positive uses the information can be put to.

KLAXON READS: "ARE YOU CALLING ME A RACIST?": Why We Need to Stop Talking about Race and Start Making Real Antiracist Change, & YOU BELONG HERE: The Power of Being Seen, Heard, and Valued on Your Own Terms

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A RACIST?": Why We Need to Stop Talking about Race and Start Making Real Antiracist Change
SARITA SRIVASTA
NYU Press (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$26.59 Kindle edition, available now

Rating: 4.5* of five

The Publisher Says: Shows why diversity workshops fail and offers concrete solutions for a path forward

Despite decades of anti-racism workshops and diversity policies in corporations, schools, and nonprofit organizations, racial conflict has only increased in recent years. “Are You Calling Me a Racist?” reveals why these efforts have failed to effectively challenge racism and offers a new way forward.

Drawing from her own experience as an educator and activist, as well as extensive interviews and analyses of contemporary events, Sarita Srivastava shows that racial encounters among well-meaning people are ironically hindered by the emotional investment they have in being seen as good people. Diversity workshops devote energy to defending, recuperating, educating, and inwardly reflecting, with limited results, and these exercises often make things worse. These “Feel-Good politics of race,” Srivastava explains, train our focus on the therapeutic and educational, rather than on concrete practices that could move us towards true racial equity.

In this type of approach to diversity training, people are more concerned about being called a racist than they are about changing racist behavior.

“Are You Calling Me a Racist?” is a much-needed challenge to the status quo of diversity training, and will serve as a valuable resource for anyone dedicated to dismantling racism in their communities, educational institutions, public or private organizations, and social movements.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.

My Review: Read this:

Is the assignment for November 5th, 2024, clear now? Choosing to stay rooted in the conflict over "race" as we so wrongly call differences in skin color and/or ethnicity is choosing to feel good about being Right over making substantive progress. Harris, imperfect and politically impure as she is (and must be in order to get a shot at the US President's chair) will not drag the country back into a dead, disgusting past of unchallenged racism, sexism, homophobia, and unchecked capitalism.

Will everything be perfect? No. When has it ever been? It *will* be better than a Vance presidency that will usher in the Nerd Reich of unchecked, surveillance-happy corporate fake people to then unfetter their squads of tech scum to set about further enshittifying our lives at an increasing rate. That hegemony already makes tech work more poorly for non-whites, and limits the benefits of tech to a very elite group.

These are the stakes. Understand the assignment. Vote for the lesser of the evils because you have no options but the ones we're given. Stop whining about the way the world is and do something to make it better.

A Harris presidency won't magically do anything at all. It might, depending on her actions, renew the DEI conversation, and refocus it on reparative justice instead of on how we, white people, "feel" when racism is brought up; on the enforced sharing of Black and other non-white people's lived experience in some mystical communion of getting to know "the other side;" on burying and distracting attention from action in the real world, not the therapy arena of workshops.

I'm big on therapy, y'all, don't come at me! It's just that therapy is mental masturbation if it doesn't turn into actual behavioral change. If you as an individual need therapy, go find it. It's never been easier with the multiple online sources readily available at a big variety of out-of-pocket costs. We as a society, however, need action to build back better. (Biden's woefully underused and succinct catchphrase; especially useful when "race" is the subject) The world is on literal fire. No woman, of any skin color or native tongue, can be wasted on a stunted uneducated life of sexual and social servitude. We need literally every single person alive today to take this challenge to change as an instruction not an invitation that can be declined.

This book is a great way to change the prescription in your social glasses.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


YOU BELONG HERE: The Power of Being Seen, Heard, and Valued on Your Own Terms
KIM DABBS
Berrett-Koehler Publishers (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$16.88 Kindle edition, available now

Rating: 4.5* of five

The Publisher Says: In a world overcrowded with labels, don’t allow your identity to be defined by other people. Learn how to take back your power, choose to feed the aspects of your identity that serve you, and let go of those that don’t.

Everyone feels like an outsider at some point in their life—when we walk into a room and think to ourselves, “I don’t belong here.” To avoid these feelings of exclusion, many of us hide our authentic selves and allow others to define our identity.

You Belong Here offers a new framework that allows each of us to define how we want to be seen, heard, and valued on our own terms so we feel a sense of belonging in any situation. Further, it serves as a launchpad for organizational leaders and culture builders to create safe spaces for individuals to show up as their authentic selves.

Readers will explore our four identities:

Our Lived Identity is made up of the aspects of our identity we inherit when we are born into the world.

Our Learned Identity includes the parts of our identity that we’ve chosen or claimed as we make our way through the world.

Our Lingering Identity is the identity we default to when we feel like an outsider and fall back into as a survival mechanism.

Our Loved Identity is where we find our authentic selves and see ourselves through a lens of empowerment.

In the journey to understand our past experiences and how society has established barriers to entry, we can design our own future, rooted in our Loved Identity. We learn to rewrite the stories that aren’t serving us and embrace the ones that do. Rather than look for a seat at someone else’s table, we find the tools to build our own.

When we fully leverage this and live with authenticity and purpose, we can be seen, heard, and valued in a way that gives us a sense of belonging at home, at work, and in society. Belonging is realized when we understand everyone is an outsider and it’s the power to create space for those differences that unite us all.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.

My Review: See? I really am pro-therapy!

This succinct self-help book is a quality read for anyone who needs to sharpen their sense of themself as a worthy and worthwhile contributor in order to become an effective leader. The trick here is to use these carefully thought-out "Identities" to lead others into a stronger commitment to their own identities being expressed in the world.

The present pass has multiple axes of crisis. Why and how they came to be is, at this moment, less urgent a topic of discussion than what the hell we need to do about it all. No one has every answer. No one individual is going to Fix the World. The usefulness of every person's contribution to society isn't a helpful focus of attention, ever really but certainly not now.

We need to use techniques like these simply delineated ones to instill the sense of strength, of personal power, of ability to effect change and affect others in the world in positive ways, in the greatest number of people. All hands are needed at the pump to keep the boat afloat. Learning how best to support a sense of urgency in one's self, and effectively communicate it into action that's both personal and group-based will be a lot easier when one has a sense of one's value to every situation. Learning the technique Author Dabbs supplies here will provide some very useful tools to achieve this goal.

Don't ignore the value of a strong sense of your own power and ability and right to use it. If you're feeling helpless and useless in the face of the world's problems, read this book to start topping up your emotional fuel tanks.

FAKE IT TILL YOU BAKE IT, well-written but slightly troubling romantic novel & SURROUNDED BY NARCISSISTS, a survival aid

SURROUNDED BY NARCISSISTS: How to Effectively Recognize, Avoid, and Defend Yourself Against Toxic People (and Not Lose Your Mind)
THOMAS ERIKSON
St. Martin's Essentials
$28.99 hardcover, available now

Rating: 4* of five

The Publisher Says: Part of the bestselling Surrounded by Idiots series!

Internationally bestselling author Thomas Erikson shares the secrets of dealing with everyday narcissists.

Are the narcissists in your life making you miserable? Are you worn out by their constant demands for attention, their absolute conviction they are right (even when they’re clearly not), their determination to do whatever they want (regardless of the impact), and their baffling need to control everyone and everything around them?

In this thought-provoking, sanity-saving book, Thomas Erikson helps you understand what makes narcissists tick and, crucially, how to handle them without wearing yourself out in the process. With the help of the simple, four-color behavioral model made famous in Surrounded by Idiots, Erikson provides all the tools you need to manage not just the narcissists around you but everyday narcissistic behaviors as well–something that is becoming more widespread in the age of social media.

Engaging and practical, Surrounded by Narcissists will help you free yourself from the thrall of others' toxic agendas so you can pursue a happier, more fulfilling and successful life.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: US society, it seems, is a narcissism-generating machine. Largely dealt with in silence, the harm narcissistic people cause in public and private spheres impacts all of us. In any relationship, a narcissist uses very specific strategies to control you, and the conversation about them, so they appear noble, shining and brilliant with Truth and Justice, generally flawless at all times. A recent scandal involving a specific Hollywood star's behavior towards another person is understandable more completely in this light. Doubtless you can see many traits in the stories the author uses to explain narcissism that adhere to lots of folks you know...but never knew why you had trouble warming up to them.

A word of caution: Don't think you're suddenly a mental-health professional and run around diagnosing others. They won't like it, and it will bite you hard. The author is careful, unsurprisingly since his brand is based on his skill as a communicator, to state that he is synthesizing research and presenting conclusions based on data, not on his mental-health expertise. This clarity is admirable and increases my own willingness to put my faith in his findings.

Your Kindle copy will set you back $14.99 but is, frankly, an investment worth the cost. (non-affiliate Amazon link)

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FAKE IT TILL YOU BAKE IT
JAMIE WESLEY
St. Martin's Griffin
$16.99 trade paper, available now

Rating: 3.5* of five

The Publisher Says: A reality star and a cupcake-baking football player pretend to be a couple in order to save his bakery in this sweet and sexy romance from Jamie Wesley, Fake It Till You Bake It.

Jada Townsend-Matthews is the most reviled woman in America after turning down a proposal on a reality dating show. When she comes home to lick her wounds, Jada finds herself working at San Diego's newest cupcake bakery, Sugar Blitz, alongside the uptight owner and professional football player Donovan Dell.

When a reporter mistakenly believes Jada and Donovan are an item, they realize they can use the misunderstanding to their advantage to help the struggling bakery and rehabilitate Jada's image. Faking a relationship should be simple, but sometimes love is the most unexpected ingredient.

Fake it Till You Bake It is a sweet confection of a novel, the perfect story to curl up with and enjoy with a cupcake on the side.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: I started out this read sure as sure could be that I'd be giving it at least four stars, and that Donovan was in line to be my next cinnamon roll hero. (Never mind he's a pro athlete! They got troubles too!) Things...did not pan out that way.

I'm a wary old campaigner in matters of the heart. Donovan's assumption of control over Jada, no matter that it imposed structure on the tornado that her life has been for all around her, rang loud alarm bells for me. No, nothing untoward happens...yet. Control is addictive, as is power in general. It doesn't need to be a bad thing IF it's part of the relationship by mutual consent and this was not the case here.

Normally this would've led me to Pearl-Rule the book, and this June...#PrideMonth!...especially I'm aware of relationship role models needing to be on balance positive to earn my accolade of a review. What happened that made me reassess my initial discomfort was seeing how Author Wesley used every chance to lead Jada into growth and greater maturity. Jada went from rudderless, spoiled girl to a focused, other-directed partner. That was a pure pleasure to read.

Get your Kindle copy today. It's $10.99 spent well. (non-affiliate Amazon link)

TAKE THE LEAD, an essay Jessica Simpson didn't need to offer but chose to, empowering disempowered women

TAKE THE LEAD: An Essay
JESSICA SIMPSON, KEVIN CARR O'LEARY
Amazon Original Stories
$1.99 Kindle edition, FREE to read for Prime customers

Real Rating: 3.5* of five, rounded up because Author Simpson deserves all the plaudits in the world for wanting to help the people who used and abused her in spite of everything

The Publisher Says: An inspiring and revealing essay about motherhood, self-acceptance, and overcoming the fears that hold you back by the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Open Book.

“If I want to lead myself into something greater than yesterday, I have to surrender the things that scare me and hold me back.”

Jessica Simpson collected so much emotional baggage over the course of her life that she began to feel like she couldn’t carry anything else. She knew she needed to confront her fears. She made a to-do list for the life she wanted. No more struggling to please everyone else. No more dulling the pain. No more avoiding the scary stuff. From now on, she’ll focus only on the expectations she has for herself. With her inviting warmth and trademark intimacy, Jessica reflects on the example of her daughters and son, reclaiming her power and taking the lead in her own life.

THIS IS AN AMAZON ORIGINAL STORY, AVAILABLE FREE FOR PRIME MEMBERS (LIKE ME).

My Review: Four short chapters, all in all a half-hour's read, that bid fair to do more good for people stuck in Plague Year Mode than all the well-intentioned and hamfisted punditry on the TV and internet.

Facing fear; parenting; breaking free of obsessive cyclic behavior. In short, letting go and letting yourself actually be free. These are excellent messages. Simpson is a poster girl for all of them. She's never been out of the public eye since her pop-star days, and her awful reality TV show with her abusive first husband is one of the primary reasons I don't watch the stupid things. (Except #GBBO.) The toll this took on her is well-documented if twisted into criticisms of her even then.

Author Simpson is to be celebrated for telling her side of things without rancor or self-pity...excessive rancor or unwarranted self-pity, I suppose...and this free-with-Prime read builds on that mature image.

I don't know if most people who read my reviews feel the need of this kind of cheerleading, encouragement, to make change and get inspired to seek their own best methods to accomplish this (that is the main take-away of this essay), but please...don't turn up your nose or look down it at a woman whose personal power, her control over her body, was utterly voided and who is now redressing that life-long wrong.

And for goodness' sake, stop voting for old white men whose purpose it is to make that heinous crime a legally protected abuse.