DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure

DEAR BI MEN: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure
J.R. YUSSUF
North Atlantic Books (non-affiliate Bookshop.org link)
$11.99 ebook, available now

Rating: 5* of five

The Publisher Says: An unapologetic guide for readers who are Black, masc, and bi—unlearning biphobia, coming out, combatting erasure, and embodying your whole self

Through cutting social analysis, personal stories, and need-to-know advice, Dear Bi Men reclaims bi+ visibility in a culture of erasure—and unapologetically centers Blackness in a practical and deeply researched guide to navigating life, work, and relationships as a Black bi+ man.

Popular representation of bi and pansexual men is growing, but we’re not there It’s mostly white. It collapses bisexual identity into tired, hypersexualized tropes. And it fails to interrogate the deeply entrenched stereotypes that You’re confused. You just don’t know you’re gay. You’re greedy. You must be great in bed.

Author, peer counselor, and creator of #bisexualmenspeak J.R. Yussuf pushes back against these stigmas and misconceptions, exploring how white supremacy reinforces biphobia and dictates what society thinks it means to “be a man.” He contextualizes discourse around queerness and bisexuality within a larger framework that honors readers’ intersecting identities. And he offers deeply practical advice, sharing how to:

Unlearn internalized biphobia and homophobia

Navigate an increasingly hostile digital landscape

Think about coming out: who to tell, why to tell them, and how to do it

Fight back against erasure and stigma

Navigate sex, dating, partnerships, marriage, friendship, and work

Understand your bi+ sexuality through a political lens

Process Black bi+ representation

Rich with personal narratives, insightful analysis, and practical advice, this book is a powerful resource for Black bi+ men to reclaim their identity, counter biphobia, and get empowered—and an offering to all readers looking to fight back against the erasure and dehumanization wrought by patriarchy.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: Remember the giant internet kerfuffle that ended up in Kit Connor, of Heartstopper fame, being forced to come out as bi, or be outed? He was really young at the time, but he also stood on a giant mountain of white privilege.

Now imagine all that intrusive noisy chatter, all that nasty probing questioning of your sincerity, your motives, your sense of yourself suddenly, unpleasantly open for free debate...while in the hole that anti-Black racism carries in its shot pouch. Add in a hefty amount of religious, cultural, gendered homophobia.

Man needs help. Here it is.

A lot of what Author Yussuf says is applicable to other bi men in the process of figuring out what to say, to do, to present to the world; but the added levels of Black support, uniquely insightful areas of discourse tied in with the author's long experience among Black bisexual men from an insider's PoV, and this resource is definitely uniquely valuable to those men. It does not, as a result, exclude other men.

There is no room for any of the -phobias in Author Yussuf's book. A thing I see A LOT in queer spaces is more, or less, polite transphobia directed at transmasc men. It gets the same treatment in here as other Othered identities: "you're good, come in and let's talk, what's eatin' away at you?" Author Yussuf genuinely presents all maleness with guidance on inner and outer self-presentation. Because in the end that's also self-preservation. A strong core belief in one's worth and identity as good and capable of offering and receiving good, healthy interactions predicts success in life lived inside heteronormative society.

It's hard for me not to say this is a great gift for every male, regardless of sexual identity. I can't tell you what to do about your giftees, but for any but the most removed from self-reflective spheres of influence, this is no bad idea for Yule.

IRON HOPE: Lessons Learned from Conquering the Impossible, focus on the lessons not the why of them and it's inspiring

IRON HOPE: Lessons Learned from Conquering the Impossible
JAMES LAWRENCE
St. Martin's Press (non-affiliate Amazon link)
$15.99 ebook editions, available now

Rating: 3.75* of five

The Publisher Says: The ultimate guide to mental toughness by James 'Iron Cowboy' Lawrence – the greatest endurance athlete in human history.

Lawrence’s accomplishments are nearly impossible to comprehend. In 2015, he set a Guinness World Record record by completing 50 full-distance triathlons in 50 states in 50 consecutive days. Yes, THE Ironman, 'the single most difficult day in sports'—a 2.4-mile swim, 112 miles on a bike, then a 26.2-mile run, all completed in under 17 hours. It is a race so intense that less than .01% of the population have completed one.

Afterwards, Lawrence subjected his body to exhaustive physical testing, to every genetic test known to science. The stunning discovery is that physically, James Lawrence is unspecial in every way. The secret to his bulletproof body is his bulletproof mentality.

How does a person develop the mental fortitude necessary to overcome incredible exhaustion, immeasurable suffering, and unfathomable pain in order to achieve impossible goals? With Iron Hope, that’s exactly what James 'Iron Cowboy' Lawrence shows readers how to do. Lawrence explains how readers can forge an iron will by making and keeping small promises to themselves again and again, amassing experience and building momentum until giving up becomes impossible. Combine a big dream with small improvements repeated with great consistency and make your goals and dreams a reality.

I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.

My Review: I read this because I am unable to fathom WHY anyone would do this insane thing to their body.

I still don't know.

What I *do* know is that doing this insane thing to his body afforded Author Lawrence great clarity about how he accomplished this absurd, OTT feat of effortful activity. He reports to readers the means by which he accomplished a feat of endurance and self-discipline that a vanishingly small number of us fellow humans ever even attempt, let alone accomplish.

There is huge value in absorbing this attitude: "do it to prove you can." Do hard things because they are hard, and along the way build the habits of mind that will make you unstoppable in areas that actually matter.

*oops* I didn't mean to type that out loud.

There it is, though. What earthly use is doing this to one's body? This smacks of the religious ascetics who do appalling things to themselves because god. In what way is this necessary, or beneficial to the world? As an example to emulate? I'd drag anyone I know to the shrink if they announced they'd got this idea for abusing their body in this way.

However much I decry the wasteful, expensive thing this lunacy promotes...that training costs, the supplements and dietary demands cost like crazy, donate the time and money to bettering the world you selfish thing!...I acknowledge the author's using the platform it gives him to have accomplished this as a means to offer practical, actionable advice on how to acquire the *habits* that got him there. He's offering good information, clearly and understandably formatted, explaining how and why this or that effort pays off in self-discipline; this is the thing I focused on, not the reason *he* was doing it but rather *how* he did what he did.

I devoutly hope the readers the book will get because the author did what he did will put his path to attaining an enviable strength of mind to more useful ends. It's the egotism, the selfish "MY victory" straight-male vanity of the exercise (!) that won't let me get to a full four stars despite the more positive uses the information can be put to.